AQ POLLS- the Austerity Quotient Unravelled!!!!!

Dear Chums,

I am back after a small hiatus. After the SRK saga, I was in all the mood to pen Mr. Jaswant Singh's trials and tribulations on his jingoistic on Jinnah having gone wrong. The repercussions faced by him just made me backtracked. What if I was suspended from my company? What if my own countrymen turned against me? In order to be better safe than sorry... well Sorry!!!!

I have a blockbuster of a news item this time. I have laid my hands on the latest AQ Poll Results- a poll measuring how our prominent citizens measure up to the levels of austerity. This poll was conducted by an equally austere publication- COSMOPOLITAN. Yes!!! the same one which showcases shantily clad young things. Well they do are austere!!! they have given up on clothing.

Well without much ado, I am publishing some salient responses evinced during the poll. These interviews were conducted by a well known reporter from COSMOPOLITAN - Dhanwaan Udaana (DU).

LALOOJI

DU- Do you think you are austere?
LPY- Arre babua !!! No no no...I am not at all austere. I love my country. All those who are austere need to be hanged. They have no feelings and no belief in humanity. Jaanwar hain sab ke sab!!! Even my pet buffaloes are better than them. No, I can never ever be austere in my life. It is a bad example in this global world. People need to accept and tolerate all kinds of things. This is such a narrow minded feeling.
DU- But Lalooji, what are you talking!!!!! The Govt. is ensuring that all its members are austere in today's tough times. Even Rahul baba says that he is austere.
LPY- Kaa bakwaas hai babuaa, hamaari sarkaar in angrezon ka ghulaam ban chuki hai. What will Rahul baba know!!! his mother is an Italian, so he will be austere anyways.
DU- Lalooji, I am totally confused now!!! What are you talking about?
LPY- Australia!!!! Those goras are beating up our boys, they are so austere, so rapist!!! How can a journalist like you say that everybody should be austere!!!!
DU- speechless!!!!


VIJAY MALLYA
DU- Sir, going by the Govt.'s drive towards austerity, what is your take on it? How austere are you?
VM- Dude!!! I am very austere. I lead a life which attempts to save the planet and ensure the well being of millions of people.
DU- I am sorry but you lead such a lavish lifestyle and you still claim that you are austere!!!!
VM- Dude, have you ever seen me with a glass of water? I am always guzzling beer. My motto in life has been " Drink Beer Save Water". I produce Kingfisher calendars. I try to barely clothe my models, I believe that there are more deserving people who need clothes. I fly almost all round the year, I do so many jaunts on my yatchs, I avoid congestions, I do not participate in the pollution that is killing our environment. I believe in the simplest form of living. I do not crave for worldly pleasures... just a simple life... that s it. I am a follower of Sri Sri Ravisankar and I make it a point to attend his lectures on "Trivial Pursuits of Life" in Bangalore. I come here all the way from New York.
DU - Speechless again!!!!


BIG B
DU - Hello Mr. Bachchan, have you heard about the latest austerity drive that the Government has embarked upon?
BB- Yes my friend!!! I have definitely heard about it. I am just flying to Tirupati on my brother Anil's private plane to seek Balaji's blessings before I begin my austerity drive. After that I will be going to Vaishno Devi mandir to seek more blessings so that I can become more austere.
DU - How touching Mr. Bachchan!!! You will be making a foot journey to the shrine!!!
BB - Oh that!!! I have my brother Subrato Roy's private jet. The jet will drop me at Katra. I shall be taking his helicopter to reach the shrine.
DU - Wow, what an austere way of beginning your austerity drive!!!!
BB- Thanks!!! I am planning to do some advertisements for the Government to promote austerity. I have agreed to feature in a series of advertisements which will propagate the benefits of simple living and high thinking. The ad was supposed to be shot yesterday but got delayed.
DU - But why sir? Did you not have enough time from your busy schedule to do this ad?
BB- No no ... the suit that I am supposed to wearing for this ad is supposed to come from Milan. There has been some delay from the Italian designer's end. Hence the shooting had to be cancelled.
DU - !@#!#!##$@#$#@$V$@$ (speechless once again)

ANIL DHIRUBHAI AMBANI

DU- Mr. Ambani, have you heard about the Government's latest drive towards having a very austere image

ADA- The Government is completely siding RIL. I am not in favour of any such projects that the Government comes up which is directly or indirectly beneficial to RIL.

DU- But Mr. Ambani, this has got nothing RIL. All our readers wanted to know is whether you lead an austere life or not.

ADA- Mr. Udaana, I suggest that you first go and pose this question to The Chairman- Reliance Industries Ltd, who is building such a lavish palatial house for himself with helipads and the works. While he intends to fly directly from his residence, I, poor humble soul have to jog all the way through the city. Now you need to understand who is more austere.

Also from the next week, I shall initiate a series of advertisements in all major newspapers on the extravaganzas exuded by the Chairman of Reliance Industries Ltd.
DU - I am sorry Mr. Ambani, but my intention was not to add fuel to the friction already existing.

ADA- No no Mr. Udaana, I am actually grateful to you as you have provided me with a new perspective of the maligning campaign that I can run. You see, I have already booked the first page ads for the entire one month and the Government is coming heavily on me for the first series of ads. This time there will be no reference to the Government but at the same time, I would have accomplished my intentions!!! Thanks!!!!

SRK

DU- Hello Badshaah Khan,

SRK- Hey dude!!! How have you been doing? It s been a long time that we caught up on gossip and chat.

DU- SRK, I am doing a poll on the levels of austerity displayed by our celebrities. I wanted to know your views on the same.

SRK- Dude, there cannot be a more austere person than me. I bet!!!

DU- But King Khan, Badshaah Khan... all this fame, adulation, cricket teams, advertisements etc etc. How can you still claim that you are austere?

SRK- The point is that I will be one of the first people who would have given up even their names!!!!

I intend to give up my name....it is causing issues and delays. After the fiasco in Newark, I am going to ensure that my face is my identity!!!!

When the results of this survey came out, I overheard S M Krishna whispering to Tharoor, " and the Government asked us to vacate our suites for which we were paying from our pockets"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sriky