WHY ME EVEN IF MY NAME IS KHAN!!!! KING KHAN ON HIS KHAOTIC ORDEAL AT NEWARK

Dear Chums

After the unprecedented and unexpected reviews for my last piece on Nandan’s Tryst with Politics (From an INFOSCION to a POLITICION), I am back this week with one more scoop. That King Khan was detained in Newark Airport for over 2 hours (or was it 66 minutes 58 seconds as per the airport authorities???)

This became the biggest news of the last couple of days (even bigger than the Swine flu or the impending draught or Raje rebellion or Sehwag being sidelined). The media channels went into a tizzy, detailing minute by minute account of what MIGHT have transpired during that fateful flight checking in process.

As usual, I am a privileged fellow and got to talk to the Baadshah Khan himself and got to understand the REAL story. Without much ado, straight from the horse’s mouth...

ME- Hello SRK, how have you been?

SRK – Just ok my friend. Not in the best of things though. I am just back after a tiring and a humiliating trip to US.

ME- I read about this on the net. What exactly happened SRK?

SRK – Nothing dude, I had gone to US to celebrate Indian Independence Day. This was how it all began.

ME- Indian Independence Day in US? (Ignoramus that I am, I blurted out that this was strange).

SRK – Boss, did I not tell you that I am buying a property in Dubai which can be seen from the Sun itself. It requires money. Indian Independence Day celebrations outside India rake in the moolah boss.

ME- Ooh!!! Of course!!! Of Course!!!

SRK- I had no idea that this tour would turn out to be a nightmare. I had recently been to US for the shoot of “My Name is Khan”. Things were all hunky dory then.

ME- My Name is Khan? The movie in which you play a person afflicted by Asperger Syndrome. ..Am I right? What is this illness? I have never heard of it.

SRK – It’s basically a mental problem in which a person cannot respond to social expectations or behave properly in public; basically challenged at social interactions. I was just trying to come out of the character myself. I was behaving very strangely for the last couple of months when I was trying to get into that character.

ME- King Khan, we were talking about your ordeal at Newark….I just heard you on NDTV that the US immigration officers were asking you strange and embarrassing questions. In private and confidentially, what were they asking?

SRK- You are a close friend and I shall share the entire conversation with you.

The story went this way…

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – OK Mate, can I have your name please?

SRK- I am known by many names – Baadshah, King Khan, SRK, Baazigar…

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Sir, do you have passports for all these names? Please come aside. We need to talk.

SRK (a bit irritated)- I think you do not know who I am.

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Of course, you are Baadshah King Khan SRK and Baazigar. Please come into this room (indicating towards the direction).

SRK – Stretching his arms wide across (his trade mark style), he he hehe… you are making a big mistake. I am an actor from India and a damn well known one at that.

US CUSTOMS OFFICER – Yes of course, we know that. Your passport says that your profession is ACTING. Can I ask you when the last time you ever ACTED on screen was? (this was the strange and embarrassing question!!!)
SRK – Well, I just had a big release and a big hit called Rab Ne Banaayi Jodi.

CUSTOMS – That’s a lie. The movie was horrible. You were horrible. The female in the movie was horrible. You are not answering our questions honestly, Mr. Khan.

SRK – This is damn embarrassing!!! How dare you insult my acting skills!!!! I am not going to take this lightly.

CUSTOMS – Mate, I can give you a damn good advice. You stretch your arms out in perfect horizontal plane. You do that pose in each of your movie. With skills like that, you can help the aviation industry. Try doing the hangar engineer’s direction boy’s role. It would suit you more.

SRK (by now, completely aghast and angry)- Can I make some calls please? I shall show you who and what I am!!! (lights up a cigarette in a non smoking airport)

CUSTOMS - Excuse me Mr. Khan, you cannot smoke here. This is illegal.

SRK- You guys are making me lose my patience. I am tensed and irritated. It’s been more than 2 hours of grilling.

CUSTOMS – I think you are mistaken sir!!! You are inside this room for precisely 60 minutes now and you will be ushered out in next 5 mins.

SRK – Dude, you are wearing a lousy Chinese Casio watch. I am wearing a Tag Heuer. I am the brand ambassador for this watch. Do not doubt the time on my watch.

CUSTOMS (now clearly bored of their celebrity guest)- Fine sir, you have been here for 2 hours. Is that fine? Can you please extinguish your cigarette now?

SRK (complying to their request)- You will be hearing from some big guns now. You have no idea of who you have messed with.

The customs officers, one by one stand with the Baadshah and get their photos taken. To be shown back to their Indian friends and colleagues!!!! King Khan obliges them (in spite of all the initial irritations).

SRK- If this is all that you guys wanted, why did you make me wait and why did you insult me?

CUSTOMS OFFICER – We got intimation that your luggage was misplaced and sent to some other baggage retrieval port. It would have taken some time for that to come up. We thought of some harmless time pass.

But we are highly impressed of your acting abilities. We were trying to gauge whether you were still in your Asperger Syndrome Act. You have passed with flying colours!!!!

SRK – That s because MY NAME IS STILL KHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sriky



Coming your way… Jaswant says Jai Jinnah!!!!!