Dear Chums
Writing after a long hiatus, the events of the past days have still not (and will not) go away from my mind. None the less, life goes on and so in these times of angst and unrest, I thought of bringing a slight smile on your visages. The world is not in good shape. The big banks have become anorexic, the big three auto companies are out of steam and stamina, there has been a severe burn in Mumbai which has left a psychological scar in the mind, the fatty unemployment rate is increasing,the jihadi outbreaks are scarring the world fabric.... and the list goes on.
In these times of tryst and anxiety, one man who has a load of responsibility on his frail old shoulders is the evergreen (Sorry ever red), effervescent Santa Claus. To please one and all is this old man's motto since times immemorial.
Let us see what magic tools he is carrying in his sack for this year. Some surprises to make this world a better place to live in .... probably.
What does he have for Mumbai? This is the most troubled of all cities in the recent times?
Santa has some calm balm for the city. Applying this removes all tension and friction between different religions and castes of people inhabiting this megapolis. Applying this balm reduces the effect of infections like MNS and Raj.
Santa also has some high dosage of responsibility and accountability gas in his sac. He plans to spray these across the babudoms of the city so that when they wake up, they start taking their jobs and responsibilities seriously.
What does Santa have for Pakistan and its people?
Last time he had injected some pieces of peace and sense into the veins of the country's political system. He hoped that this would remove the violent thoughts and plans that emanate from these idle minds. The poor old man overlooked one point though, which he is going to firmly fix this year. He will inject peace and sense into the arteries of the valves which link the army and the polity so that there is a uniform spread of peace and sense across both.
He also plans to feed some tablets of D'ecstacy into the ISI, army and politicians. This would remove the artificial feeling of power that has been created by China and US. Once back in their senses, they would realize what they are and whom are they trying to take on.
What is in store for Uncle Sam?
Santa was pondering on this front for quite some time now. He and Sam have been good friends for years. He is quite sad to see the sorry state of affairs that Sam is in now. Earlier, in a moment of emotional state, Santa had almost contemplated of creating a rain of dollar bills across all of the USA. He was almost about to do that. While riding on his sleigh from the heavenly abodes, he had to wait at a traffic light. Along side his humble sleigh pulled by reindeers was a fleet of flights waiting for the green light. On further inspection, Santa, to his horror, dismay and frustration found that these flights were of the CEOs of the motor companies who were on their way to ask for money from the Govt. This put off Santa in a big way. Beggars coming in Golden Chariots?? NO, thought Santa. This will not make any sense. Santa is a man of old world charms. These complex financial embezzlements are beyond his naive and simple brain. So, he has decided that he will postpone any action that he would want to take for US till next year.
So, the Yankees have to suffer for one more year probably... or till Santa comes up with something elementary.
Besides these numerous global gifts, I was curious on what Santa had in store for some of our desi celebs. I managed to have a peek and I must say, I was mighty impressed with his choice of gifts.
Some glimpses herewith....
v A firm mind and some conviction for our beloved PM. No longer would he have to appease Madam first and nation next.
v Some advertisement contracts for UK and US companies for Amitabh Bachchan. Santa has reasoned that Indians are sick and tired of the tired old man now.
v Two identical Olive branches for the Ambani brothers. Santa feels it s high time this was extended between the two warring brothers.
v New coats of paints and a host of reconstruction material for Ratan Tata. The Grand Old man is an ardent fan of the Taj Hotels. He wants Mr.Tata and his hotel to stand up tall and proud and mighty.
v Some advance booking orders in a couple of millions for Nano cars. Santa hopes that this will do to India what Windows did to the US software market. Rule the world.
v A list of producers and directors who do not have a contract with Yash Raj for SRK. Even Santa was very critical on the superstar's latest offing. It is high time, as per Santa, that King Khan truly redeems his status with some different movies.
v Santa is really fed up of SRK stretching his hands and being Raj in movie after movie after movie...
v Some high profile LA and Las Vegas birthday parties' invitations for Rakhi Sawant. Santa hopes that any chance of a birthday fiasco like in Mika's case might catapult this talented starlet into the global limelight.
v Just another movie for Aamir Khan. Santa is mighty impressed with this guy. Slow and steady fella... says Santa. So just ONE movie... a block buster, but of course. Santa is also contemplating a surprise gift for his favourite actor. It was in a sealed envelop.... An Oscar probably???? Your guess is as good as mine.
v Life beyond cricket for Sachin Tendulkar. What with a country of a billion plus people and just eleven people calling the rules? Santa plans to arrange for an advertising agency for the ace cricketer so that his talents beyond the field do not go waste.
v Admission form for the Lee Strasbourg School of film making and acting for Himeshbhai, Zayed Khan, Deepika Padukone, Harman Baweja and a host of others.... pretty faces and lovely lasses do not actors make!!!
Before I could get my eyes on other gifts, Santa caught me snooping and promptly whoosed me away.
So, till you all get your gifts for this year and thank the Grand Old Man.... bidding Adieu and wishing you bright tidings of the Yuletide!!!!!
Beau Noel!!!
Merry Christmas
Sriky
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