mazaa E Kalmadi - Tihar trials and Teas!!!

Finally, the ordeal was over for Suresh Kalmadi as he got a much needed bail and came out of months' incarceration at Tihar. As he arrived into the city of Pune (his political fiefdom), one could not believe what was to be seen -hordes of supporters thronging along the route cheering their leader's return back home.

Suresh Kalmadi had a soiree where he released his book Khel Khel Mein- Uncommonwealth Saga!!!! During the book release, he also spoke about his future plans and all the planning that had gone in during his Tihar Institute of Heightened Access Reserves days.

This is how his day used to begin ... in his own words-

It was really a wonderful gesture on the part of the Government to assign me to the Tihar unit for some months. This was a blessing in disguise as I could fully concentrate on tasks at hand rather than keep on answering the same old questions about Commonwealth expenses etc. I had more important things to do rather than explain the imaginary loss to the country's exchequer.

In Tihar, I used to get up early in the morning at around 5 am and then head for a nice brisk walk around the campus and also sometimes outside the campus if I felt like it. The walk was followed by a nice shower and then a sumptuous breakfast. Some of the veterans there credited my presence for a change in menu. I used to have two idlis, some dry fruits, a bowl of museli and a big glass of Orange juice to wash it down.

Then I used to start my office. I had recruited some locals there as admin staff like reception, personal secretary etc in Tihar. Work related to planning for the London Olympics has been quite a uphill task and hence the quiet environs of Tihar facilitated my work.

I used to break for lunch at around 1.30 pm. Lunch was usually two high fiber rotis with some veggies with less oil and spices, some salads, a bit of rice and some sweets (usually a swiss fondue which is my favourite). Second half was usually reserved for meetings or conference calls with UK f0lks. The London Olympics is being planned on the similar lines of the CWG. We had made an intial presentation highlighting the profitability of the CWG event last year. All the opposition ranting apart - the UK folks were mighty impressed!!! This resulted in IOC being appointed as a Guardian Consultant and I becoming the head of The Honesty Integrity Ethics Failure Committee.

More on that later, a small fracas erupted some months ago where the media went gaga over a simple tea session that I had. Normally, my high teas are only with the corporate denizens in Tihar - only that one day, the Tihar Supervisor Officer had come to meet me to discuss his impending transfer and the only time I could allocate for the discussion was my tea time. Who said that a lot could happen only over Coffee? Malaika Arora... I guess....

On one occassion, I also had the privilege of meeting Mr. Anna Hazare. He had come into the Tihar unit as a gesture of some protest against corruption and Lokpal Bill - we both are so similar, both of us were in Tihar by our own free will!!!! He gifted me with a Gandhi cap which read - MAIN ANNA HOON. He warned me that he would be closely monitoring me and my deeds. I, being none the wiser - immediately made some changes on the cap and it now read - MAIN CHAUKANNA HOON!!!!! I hope Mr. Hazare will not have any problems with me now.

Now, let me explain what is my role in the coming Olympics in UK. The THIEF committee has been given a mandate to ensure that the London Olympics is just as devoid of politics, money laundering and squandering, corruption, sychophancy etc as the CWG was under my management. Many of you would wonder - how will this event and how was CWG as well profitable?

It is very simple, theories in Economics suggest that loss or profit is as relative to the capital invested. Extrapolating the same argument - loss or profit in one venture is relative to the loss or profit in a similar contemporary venture. Opportunity profit, just like opportunity loss; is the notional profit made in the absence of a notional possible impending loss. Some learnings gained during my interactions with the corporate in Tihar!!!!!

If I have to simplify and explain - I actually saved the country's exchequer by thousands of crores of rupees. How, if you will ask me - by ensuring that I did not take up the Telecom ministry!!!!!!

the FAST aNd the SpUriOus!!!!

Over the last couple of months, many a political drama has been played out. Some good and welcome (Main bhi Anna Hoon) and well, some not (Rahul baba's blink-and-you-miss-it role in the Parliament. Sonia's not-so-secret treatment for a secret illness was missed by Arun Jaitley and Sushmaji. Does the UPA Chief have not trust in the nation's medical infrastructure?

Of course the dichotomous (I hope I got this right as I am not from an elite educational background) dichotomy raised by Mani Shankar to taxonomize St. Stephens and Hans Raj alumni was one more feather on his feathered gaffs!!!!!

One common trend that has emerged over the course of the events in the recent days is - a more egalitarian route towards fame and instant stardom. A force so potent that no army can fight it, a tool so effective that garners mass hysteria - FASTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fasting regime has been quite a contrarian phenomenon from the ostentations exhibited by our political fraternity just some months ago (refer to my piece on that as well here....).

Some of the fastings have been fiascos in their aim to achieve their ends (Baba Ramdev's great escape was worth its footage on national media). Some have been so effective that it brought the Parliament to it's knees (Anna Hazare).

As I compose this piece - Narendrabhai Modi has galvanized the BJP cadre and ranks to celebrate his 61st birthday with a 3 day fast christened as Sadbhavna. The 3 day extravaganza can hardly merit any egalitarian or spartan perception that the word FAST invokes. Tax payers' money is being spent on lavish buffet for the non fasting celebrities and normal fare for his hired followers.

Though, not getting into the details of this particular fast (it has achieved it's objective though, of projecting Modi as the BJP's prospect at the next General Elections).

Some of the fasts are being planned for the future and for more interesting agenda. Let us sneek a peek into some of the more interesting ones:-

M S Dhoni is planning a fast in the coming days. His fast is a pseudo acknowledgement of the English disaster that his team has recently come out of. Since all options were tried out, the divine intervention in this case is but expected. There will be some ad shoots along the peripheries of the fast with present and past cricket celebrities scheduled to drop in for some friendly matches and free coaching for the wannabes. The event is likely to be telecast live across the world and negotiations are on between BCCI with leading broadcasters.

Suresh Kalmadi is planning a fast unto fie event. He is plannning to have a big extravagant fast with themed English breakfast buffet in UK (preferably Lords) to demand to have the next Olympics (post London) in India. His is currently busy working out the modalities for the same. There is only one small glitch that he is still stuck in Tihar but that is not denting any of his efforts as he seldom fathoms or realizes that he is a jailed undertrial- God bless Amnesia.

Nitin Gadkari is planning a fast before the blast event. This event is on the request of his personal physicians who have warned him that his stomach may just blast apart if he does nothing about it. Gadkari is planning this fast at the lawns of a five star hotel in the capital with some light upvaas khaana (items permitted during religious fastings) like Sabudana khichdi, sabudana wada, faral, sev, aaloowadi (not the famed batata wada of Maharashtra). He plans to be on a strict diet during his fast for one day with consuming only a couple of plates of these savouries.

Not to be left behind, Sharad Pawar is planning a fast. This is for no particular reason but to pray for his betterment and prosperity. Poor chap, he thought he had to disclose what was in his wallet on that day in the Parliament when the PM mandated his ministers to declare their assets. Pawarji checked his wallet and replied 12 crore.

Amidst all these plannings, Sonu Nigam, Arindam Bhattacharya, Kailash Kher and Kiran Bedi are busy preparing themselves to regale the audience who would be thronging these events in the coming days.

Om Puri has already begun stocking up his bar as well!!!!!

When Manmohan Singh was quizzed on these developments and how his Government was planning to tackle the crowds and possible political repercussions that may emerge thereafter, he calmly smiled.

This is what the PMO issued as a communication," Manmohan Singhji has been on maun vrat for so many years now that he has been the PM, what are these small fasts in comparison?"

Something to be taken as a lesson by DigVijay Singh perhaps???

SUPERBUG - the Syndrome SiMpLiFiEd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Chums

I am back... after a hiatus of over a month or so...unrelenting work kept me at bay and to an extent that I am still seeing STARS in the broad daylight even today!!!! Need to learn to balance work and passion or give up one for the another....Hopefully the passion will rule ....

Many an event whizzed past which I wanted to capture- the Rupee got a new avatar, Blackberry got into a muddle again, Suresh Kalmadi is still in a muddle. Coming to the Common Wealth Games revelations - I kind of have a nice warm feeling about this entire drama. For one - I was pretty clairvoyant in this matter (like in many other matters at work also!!!). Secondly, I have been the first person to trace that the havoc caused by superbug has some common origins with this event.

Check my article posted on 1st Nov 2009 which is coming true now in 2010!!!! >> http://ideasinfinitum.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html

Enough of self eulogizing now!!!

One bit of news that is making waves all over the world is the SUPERBUG. It has come into prominence out of nowhere and by the looks of it - it is going to eat up a lot of news bytes in the coming days.

Tracing the origins of this unique offering from India to the world- some startling revelations came up. I recount my findings in this matter.

That the SUPERBUG had originated in some obscure hospital in India is as true as Suresh Kalmadi's virtue. On further investigations, it was found that the medical and financial term of this malice was NOT Superbug but it was actually SUPERBUCKS.

This actually originated in the offices of of the Organising Committee for the Common Wealth Games Delhi 2010. Nobody knows how this mutation happened but some of the theories that are running wild include -

this was just a common virus which mutated with the heightened frenzy and big money of the CWG to emerge as a different strain of illness which was hitherto unheard off.
Some rumours go to the level that the virus was always there. It was just that the virus got more powerful because of the conducive environment that it was being blessed with. There was the IPLgate which gave it a lot of resistance towards honesty and being law abiding nature.

There are some unconfirmed reports that the symptoms of superbug (I will go with the non technical name for the timebeing) are similar to H1N1 strain. This is completely baseless. The following are the symptoms that are associated with this virus:-

You fall into a delusionary state where the order of importance in your life becomes Your family and friends, yourself and then your country- especially when dealing with matters of money.
Your cerebrum starts noticing unnoticed superiority traits in the most mediocre and incompetent and inefficient tasks. Patchy public works appear to be splendidly done. Pot holed roads appear to be micro water storage opportunities to you.
You develop a unique skillset of FRAILING. FRAILING refers to a newly emerged protocol of commands that are used to alter emails fraudulently.
You start developing a huge sense of benevolence towards companies who want to work with you - to the extent of you willing to buy toilet paper rolls for a couple of thousands!!!
You also develop a strange kind of stubborn streak which refuses to let you see the correct things and you live in a perpetual oblivion.

There are some facts that IMA has released but I am having contradictory conclusions on the same. IMA = Indian Money Making Association

The SUPERBUG is restricted only to geography of India and that some isolated cases emnating in London are not related to this.
>> The SUPERBUG is a new breed of virus which has some strains of human cerebrum stem cells. It has a potential to grow and develop a fully functional rational brain in the near future. It did not randomly get itself transported to London. It has an agenda to create the same havoc in London Olympics 2012 as it has done in CWG 2010.

A strong antidote is going to be released to eliminate this SUPERBUG and its growth and spread will be terminated.
>> My conclusions prove otherwise. There is a strong lobby of silent secret supporters (akin to the Priori of Sion etc) which are trying their level best to sustain and nurture SUPERBUG. Till that benevolence is not obliterated, the menace is going to just spread.

The environment in geographies outside India are not conducive for the SUPERBUG to sustain and survive; forget growth.
>> This is utter crap. The SUPERBUG has now some elements of the IPL, EPL, the CWG experience. I would not be surprised if this virus creates an environment of mal health that even the Buckingham Palace is offered as a hotel for the Olympics with some Indian firm bagging the order to host the VIPs there!!!

When I checked with Suresh Kalmadi before posting this clarification - I got a this liner from him.
I AM ALREADY BUGGED. DO NOT DISTURB ME NOW.


cheers
sriky
www.ideasinfinitum.blogspot.com