the FAST aNd the SpUriOus!!!!

Over the last couple of months, many a political drama has been played out. Some good and welcome (Main bhi Anna Hoon) and well, some not (Rahul baba's blink-and-you-miss-it role in the Parliament. Sonia's not-so-secret treatment for a secret illness was missed by Arun Jaitley and Sushmaji. Does the UPA Chief have not trust in the nation's medical infrastructure?

Of course the dichotomous (I hope I got this right as I am not from an elite educational background) dichotomy raised by Mani Shankar to taxonomize St. Stephens and Hans Raj alumni was one more feather on his feathered gaffs!!!!!

One common trend that has emerged over the course of the events in the recent days is - a more egalitarian route towards fame and instant stardom. A force so potent that no army can fight it, a tool so effective that garners mass hysteria - FASTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The fasting regime has been quite a contrarian phenomenon from the ostentations exhibited by our political fraternity just some months ago (refer to my piece on that as well here....).

Some of the fastings have been fiascos in their aim to achieve their ends (Baba Ramdev's great escape was worth its footage on national media). Some have been so effective that it brought the Parliament to it's knees (Anna Hazare).

As I compose this piece - Narendrabhai Modi has galvanized the BJP cadre and ranks to celebrate his 61st birthday with a 3 day fast christened as Sadbhavna. The 3 day extravaganza can hardly merit any egalitarian or spartan perception that the word FAST invokes. Tax payers' money is being spent on lavish buffet for the non fasting celebrities and normal fare for his hired followers.

Though, not getting into the details of this particular fast (it has achieved it's objective though, of projecting Modi as the BJP's prospect at the next General Elections).

Some of the fasts are being planned for the future and for more interesting agenda. Let us sneek a peek into some of the more interesting ones:-

M S Dhoni is planning a fast in the coming days. His fast is a pseudo acknowledgement of the English disaster that his team has recently come out of. Since all options were tried out, the divine intervention in this case is but expected. There will be some ad shoots along the peripheries of the fast with present and past cricket celebrities scheduled to drop in for some friendly matches and free coaching for the wannabes. The event is likely to be telecast live across the world and negotiations are on between BCCI with leading broadcasters.

Suresh Kalmadi is planning a fast unto fie event. He is plannning to have a big extravagant fast with themed English breakfast buffet in UK (preferably Lords) to demand to have the next Olympics (post London) in India. His is currently busy working out the modalities for the same. There is only one small glitch that he is still stuck in Tihar but that is not denting any of his efforts as he seldom fathoms or realizes that he is a jailed undertrial- God bless Amnesia.

Nitin Gadkari is planning a fast before the blast event. This event is on the request of his personal physicians who have warned him that his stomach may just blast apart if he does nothing about it. Gadkari is planning this fast at the lawns of a five star hotel in the capital with some light upvaas khaana (items permitted during religious fastings) like Sabudana khichdi, sabudana wada, faral, sev, aaloowadi (not the famed batata wada of Maharashtra). He plans to be on a strict diet during his fast for one day with consuming only a couple of plates of these savouries.

Not to be left behind, Sharad Pawar is planning a fast. This is for no particular reason but to pray for his betterment and prosperity. Poor chap, he thought he had to disclose what was in his wallet on that day in the Parliament when the PM mandated his ministers to declare their assets. Pawarji checked his wallet and replied 12 crore.

Amidst all these plannings, Sonu Nigam, Arindam Bhattacharya, Kailash Kher and Kiran Bedi are busy preparing themselves to regale the audience who would be thronging these events in the coming days.

Om Puri has already begun stocking up his bar as well!!!!!

When Manmohan Singh was quizzed on these developments and how his Government was planning to tackle the crowds and possible political repercussions that may emerge thereafter, he calmly smiled.

This is what the PMO issued as a communication," Manmohan Singhji has been on maun vrat for so many years now that he has been the PM, what are these small fasts in comparison?"

Something to be taken as a lesson by DigVijay Singh perhaps???

tHe GrEaT InDiAn GrAiN dRaIn!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the vast fields was where I was born,

endless vast verdant greens all around me,

the toiling of the farmer bearing fruits,

to the grounds as I firmed my roots,

The bright sun nourishing me each with its rays,

the soft breeze to whose tunes - I sway,

the gentle streams of water passing my legs,

as I grow quickly from a seed to a full fledged grain,

eager to be harvested, now that I have braved the rains,

once i am unhusked and shafted with full vigour,

waiting with a bated breath to reincarnate from a grain to the powdery flour

Alas!!! such short lived was my dream this life!!!!

never imagined such sorry would be my plight!!!!


Here am I, stuck in a jute prison along with many millions of inmates,


fighting away rodents and pests, or just simply mourning our fates,


its been more than 3 months now, and we have lived thorugh it and how?


piles and piles of my kith and kin, in complete misery, what is our sin?


officers used to come earlier for a periodic round up and checking,


even that has stopped since some of us have started rotting,

I heard from some of my contacts- there are millions awaiting us all over the land,

Hungry masses on the verge of starvation, for the simple want of a system of public distribution,

we all grains who were fit enough, thought of an escape plan,

to escape this dungeon and be a part of some luncheon,

though feeble that we were, we tried to tumble out by force,

each one of my brethren crying out in pain: hoarse,

to our horror, we realized we were not the only ones to try this gimmick,

millions more were lying all around writhe in pain and shock,

as some masked goons were just spraying some white powder and shoving us with a mop,

I take a deep breath, pause ... and just start rolling away from the masses - cold, dead and damp,

trying my best to escape this concentration camp,

in the hope of surviving for that moment, before I succumb,

from a crush or a mop or the white poision powder being sprayed all around,

to tell my story and about my people- their state of misery unbound,

that sleeping hungry each night is a state of choice,

when some of our well endowed netas .. just rejoice!!!!

Sriky

myPL >> whyPL >>> IPL - The GENESIS of the NEMESIS!!!!!

Dear Chums

Now that the IPLGate and the IPL have come to an end, more skeletons are tumbling out of the BCCI cupboards like some B grade Ramsay movie of the yore; it is time to reflect, reconstitute, and revisit the biggest sporting scam to hit the world.

To go to the genesis of this nemesis, we rewind back to 2005.

There is a lot of hue and cry about the secrecy pacts of the Privately Held Swiss Banks. Insinuations of blood money, Nazi loots being deposited there and interests on the same are used for unscrupulous activities.

Swiss banks are at sea now. They cannot break their centuries old rules but are also being forced to become more transparent. A consortium (this word is splashing all over nowadays, I had never heard this word for all my life till now) of bankers decided what the world is doing. Look for newer markets. What better option than India? A developing 3rd world country with many 1st world developed citizenry!!!

Swiss bank consortium came up with a scheme to get some super rich Indians to become their customers.
Invest 500 million USD over the next 5 years and get an additional 3 percent interest over and above the normal interest rates.

By nature, the Swiss banks are low profile entities. They did not approach the obviously rich industrialists or film stars. Their research showed them that cricket was the most lucrative business after politics in India.
Politicians by themselves would not be eligible for this scheme but politicians plus cricket authorities combined could be a potent combination.
With that in mind- they approached some senior BCCI members (many of them who happened to be politicians as well). Presented their proposal and waited in anticipation.

Now, this is what happened in BCCI quarters-
Sharad Pawar, Lalit Modi, Shashank Manohar, Niranjan Shah and Rajeev Shukla met to decide on how to further this proposal.
Sharad Pawar – I already have two accounts in these banks. I will be part of this scheme only if they give me something more; else I am not interested.
Lalit Modi – We all need to be in that elite list. Let s not squabble but decide on how best to raise this kind of money through semi official means. I have an idea.
We will start off something that Kapil Dev has started but does not know how to run. Pawarjee, please ensure that ICL is scrapped and does not get any mileage. I will start something on similar lines but much bigger and with lots of glitz and glamour.
Rajeev Shukla – That’s a great idea!!!! I know many film stars who will agree to what we want them to do.
Lalit Modi – Great!!! Let s call this IPL on the lines of EPL.
We shall start the auction process. We inflate all the costs right from day zero so that the money on paper will show millions coming in as auction money.

Niranjan Shah – Modi Bhai, where will these movie stars get such kind of money that we need?
Lalit Modi – No worries, we will get some industrialists also into this fray. They will pump in all their unwanted money as their own private stakes and for the film stars’ teams- we will just add a couple of zeros in our accounts on what they pay us. Based on these figures, we will demand advertisers a piece of their meat in terms of ad seconds. Merchandizing, parties, media coverage… all will fall in to rake in the requisite moolah.
Sharad Pawar – Modi- you should take over the finances of my vast empire!!! What a brilliant idea!!!
Niranjan Shah (the ever pessimistic bloke)- All this is fine. I am in. What if this thing gets caught?
Lalit Modi – What rubbish!!! This is not a life long plan but a five year investment vehicle. We just need the money to put in the bank so that the rest of our lives will be easy. Of course, this will blow up someday or the other. We will plan for that eventuality as well. Pawarji, you would know best on how to resolve this part!!!
Sharad Pawar – It is very simple. These things always happen in politics. The simple solution is- one of us will have to become a scapegoat. Rest of us will dissociate with that person. We will hold some cursory investigations and come out with a report that nobody will understand and we will just delay and delay and delay…
Rajeev Shukla – Till when Pawarji!!!!
Sharad Pawar – Till we come up with an idea of doing something new.
Lalit Modi – Wow!!! What about football after cricket. We will bring football into India.
Niranjan Shah – That’s an apt choice that you have made. You always put your foot in your mouth … so it s very logical.
Sharad Pawar – Who is willing to become the scapegoat?
All look at each other.. Nobody wanting to be the first..
Lalit Modi (after some deliberations) – I am willing but I need some engineering colleges and around 100 odd petrol pump stations.
Sharad Pawar – DONE!!!!! So we have a deal now!!!
Lalit Modi – I have one query. Will anybody put their trust in us for our next endeavour after the IPL scam that will happen in some years?
Rajeev Shukla – Why not!!! We will be very transparent and open about our intentions and plans from day one.
Lalit Modi – Pray tell me how is that going to happen?
Rajeev Shukla – We shall call our football venture as Global Association for Football League Admirers.
Lalit Modi – I still did not get it.
Rajeev Shukla – Arre baba – Global Association for Football League Admirers – GAFLA. Who will complain when we are open about our (ig)noble intentions from day zero!!!!

If you are wondering why Shashank Manohar kept quite throughout the proceedings .... that s because he was given the job of doing all the talking now !!!

Sriky