Barack Blows the Peace Pipe!!!!!

Dear Chums,



By the time you read this, President Obama would already have dedicated his Nobel Peace Prize booty towards improving the Health Care Budget for the American Citizens.

There are some rumoured reasons why President Obama has been awarded this onerous distinction. I happened to collate the floating conspiracies. Here they are…



Norway has recently found a huge amount of natural gas in its regions. That the USA meddles into any part of the world where there is oil is a well known phenomenon. To ensure that the US does not launch another flimsy attack on Norway towards usurping the oil finds to satisfy it’s ever increasing oil consumption, the Norwegian Government deemed it fit to give this prize to the US President. After being distinguished by the Nobel Peace Prize, if Obama launches any such frivolous act of attack; it will not go down well with the world. (Nobel prizes are decided by Norway and not Sweden because when Alfred Nobel bequeathed his fortune for this cause; Norway and Sweden were in personal union. It is still not clear why Nobel chose Norway rather than Sweden for this responsibility!!!!!).

v The Norwegian Government was under tremendous pressure from the US to decorate its First Man. Given that ever since Obama has taken on the role of the President; he has done very little but to talk a lot. The recent loss of the Chicago nominations for the Olympics was just the icing on the cake. In order to restore the Greatness of the first coloured President, it was very necessary to get something going for Obama. And what better than a Nobel!!!!

v Obama rightfully deserves the Nobel. The reason given by the Nobel Committee is, I quote,” President Obama has been responsible for maintaining international diplomacy”. Now, what do they mean by this? That Obama has done a good job of keeping all countries to bow down before its whims and fancies.

v That the fundamentalists (Al Qaida in particular) all across the globe have pitched in and influenced the Nobel Committee to give this award to Obama. Their frustrations being pretty evident now!!! After receiving this honour, can Mr. Obama take responsibility for the loss of any further lives?

v Another round of rumours doing the rounds is that the US and British soldiers have donated their pension funds to the Nobel Committee to bestow this award on President Obama with the hope that after receiving this honour, he will start withdrawing the troops from Middle East and Afghanistan.

There were a record 215 nominations this year for this coveted distinction. That will eventually become public domain knowledge. I am going beyond that. There were some nominations that were well worthy of consideration but did not reach the Nobel Committee well in time. The following is the list of those lost nominations:-

Shah Rukh Khan

SRK’s nomination was proposed as the FOKIMAS (Friends of Khan In Mutual Admiration Society – which includes some of the biggest politicians, actors, bureaucrats, business czars etc) felt that SRK has preached peace in the most unique fashion – by starring in Om Shanti Om!!!! The FOKIMAS also highlighted the miserable conditions under which the King Khan had to undergo racial profiling and discrimination at an American airport recently. This just added to the sympathy quotient.

Baadshah Khan’s nomination was approved by the Information and Broadcasting Ministry but it faced opposition from the most unsuspected corners – Minister Ramadoss vehemently opposed this nomination as he felt that SRK was a killing machine by virtue of the passive smoking that he induced wherever he went. Ramadoss actually went to the extent of blaming a team’s loss in IPL as he felt that the fumes from the nicotine stick blown by SRK had an adverse effect on the batsmen ready and padded up in the dressing room!!!!!



Veerappan

Yes!!! That’s right!!!! The family of Veerappan wanted this late Robin Hood to get the Nobel Peace Prize. Their argument? By the virtuous act of de tusking the elephants, Veerappan actually helped foster peace between these giants!!!! Pray how??? The quotient of bodily harm induced by fighting elephants can be drastically reduced if they are tuskless!!!!

The nomination could not be considered as it was dispatched from the wilderness of the Satyamangala forests with a Mahout on an elephant. By the time the giant beast trudged all its way to Chennai…. It was just too late.



Laloojee

This was quite a nerve wracking nomination. This came from the PPPPP (Patna Peas Production and Packaging Party). The nomination cited reasons for Laloojee to get the Nobel PEAS Prize as their party was created by Laloojee. Their party has more P’s than any other party in the nation. That Laloojee feeds his cattle not with fodder but with peas (this is a clinching evidence to exonerate Laloojee from the now infamous fodder scam, the last known update was that this report was sent to the CBI as a clincher evidence to clear Laloojee’s name from the fodder scam).

The reason this nomination was rejected? Well Nitish Kumar is allergic to peas and the Government did not deem it fit to antagonize Nitish.



Dawood Ibrahim

The Don had also laid a claim on this nomination. His reason for being nominated was simple. Because of recession, he is currently in a state of near unemployment. If he is unemployed, the world becomes a peaceful place!!!!

The reason his nomination was not considered? Well the nomination was accompanied by a warning note that in case he did not get the Nobel Peace Prize…. Well….

The Indian Embassy smartly denied that they ever received his nomination and this claim was equally countered by Pakistani Government that Dawood was not in their country at all!!!!!



sriky