hIgH VAULTage TrEaSuReS TuMbLiNg OuT of TemPles' PrEciNcts!!!!!

Dear Chums

The last couple of days were full of so many events (it seems that something interesting always keeps on happening nowadays unlike the days of the yore).

As Baba Ramdev and Anna moved into their respective sunsets, divinity was beckoning for attention down in Kerala.

With the vast amounts of unheard of wealth in terms of gold coins, gilded ropes and antiquities and innumerable ornaments of unimaginable value and worth- all eyes are now focussed on this-till-now-a-normal-temple at the Padmanabhaswamy Temple.

I have had the good fortune of visiting this temple some years ago during my short trip to Kerala with my friends from Pune. As the news about the wealth being found trickled in, I was agape in awe and wonder.

If this was what was found in some sealed vaults of a religious temple from those ages where piousness and honesty was a way of life, what would be the quantum that could be waiting to be unearthed from the vaults of our unscrupulous and dishonest netas!!!!!

Not wanting to go that path, this piece concentrates on what is being planned with this sudden turn of fortune for this temple.

The Maharaja of Travancore, His Highness Marthanda Varma has categorically maintained the stance that this wealth is Lord's wealth donated over the decades and centuries by the Royal Family to the temple and also by the Royal Guests to Travancore.

Not many are of this opinion and let us see some of the more interesting suggestions that have come up over this religious booty being found.

The Mammoothy-Mohanlal fan club have come up with the idea that a vast portion of the temple wealth be donated to these two demi-gods if they happen to lose or forfeit some component of their fortune in the recent IT raids.

Experts on Malayalam cinema have opined that the divine charity may just be able to replenish their undeclared wealth, if seized by the IT sleuths.

Behenji Su Shri Mayawati has made a request that UP should also get some part of this treasure which will be used for welfare and well being (whether Swayam Hitaaye Swayam Sukhaaye or Sarjan Hitaaye Sarjan Sukhaaye) is not something that is clear.

The plan is to construct Golden Statues of Kanshiram and Mayawati at every street corner and junction in UP.

Not to be left in the lurch, Suresh Kalmadi has also petitioned the Supreme Court with an injunction on any decision to be taken on the disbursement or usage of this treasure.

His plan is that this treasure be used to make so many gold medals and distribute among all the Indian atheletes that whether they win in the tournament or lose the same- they will definitely come back home with gold medals!!! Probably, he would be vindicated that he has done his duty of getting Gold for his players!!!

While all this furore was going on in full frenzy, the Government of Kerala was facing a different enigma - how to ensure the safety of this mammoth and unheard of wealth!!! What would stop any Government officer to connive with an entire set of people and siphone of a part of this wealth??

They have come up with a plan that they will use a significant amount of this wealth to create a separate army to protect this treasure and what part will be left after this expense will be used in the maintenance of this super-elite armed force!!!!!

There were some more claims to this treasure from the most unexpected quarters of India- from Laloojee to Sharad Pawar -each claiming some logic or rule to get a part of the booty.

One claim has suddenly found much favour with Bollywood as well - Mr. Bharat aka Manoj Kumar has claimed that he should be rewarded for his clairvoyance and that he had prophecised this years ago.

This just was the most bizarre claim till now until he was summoned in the courts and when asked for an explanation - he calmly played out a song from a cassette player - Mere desh ki dharti sona ugle, ugle heere moti - o mere desh ki dharti!!!!

After this bizarre turn of events (though Mr. Bharat's litigation was quashed by the courts!!!), there were noises made for sometime until one fine day.....

The special panel overseeing the management of this treasure received a special petition request that some part of the Gold unearthed should be given to this person as this impacted one of his basic constitutional right of Roti Kapda aur Makaan!!!!

The panel pondered a lot on this particular litigation and eventually decided that some component of this booty may be shared with this person so as to fulfil the basic trio necessities of life (food clothing and shelter).

So, in went this portly litigant and came out decked in some most artistically carved and designed jewellery.

No points in guessing.... he was Bappida!!!!!!

A contextual joke doing rounds on the internet is -

Rajinikanth also requests for the total inventory list of all the precious ornaments and gold that tumbled out of the Sri Padmanabhaswamy temple.

When the temple authorities requested Rajini to give reasons for his request - he calmly replied - I just want to share this with my wife so that she finds something from that list not in her wardrobe, I will have to get her the same.!!!!!

All MOH and some MAYA- MALAwati's NOTEworthy Rally!!!!

Dear Chums

The last couple of weeks have been pretty uneventful. Nothing much happened. IPL has kicked off- grander and bigger than before!!! But probably… I will need reams and reams of paper to voice anecdotes and comments on IPL. One article would do scant justice!!! THere were some opportunities that I missed out - Tiger coming out of the Woods or Pranab babu's budget etc. I guess it is high time to balance work and hobby time and give the latter some dues!!!!

Another event made news and I thought of making it the focus of my attention and piece. Mayawati held a mammoth rally at Lucknow. This created a furor in the political circles, with each party falling over the other in demanding an explanation and an investigation. No this was not about the much publicized “noted” felicitation she got from her party cadres… read on to know more.
In an exclusive tete a tete with Maya Memsaab herself….

MM- So, did you enjoy the rally that happened last week?
Me – I am sorry madam but I could not get a pass. I tried buying it but there was nobody to sell one to me.
MM – Yes, the show was sold out completely. If you had let me know that you were planning to visit Lucknow… I could have arranged for something.
Me – So nice of you madam, will definitely let you know if such issue persists in the future.
MM – You know when Sahara offered to buy all the tickets… I was a bit worried whether they will be able to sell them or not. I then realized that they had no plans of selling them!!!! The tickets were distributed to people along with DCD coupons.
Me – DCD? What does mean?
MM – Dal Chawal Daru combo. This is the most widely consumed food item in UP.
Me – But madam, what is this I am hearing about the rally? It has become really contentious.
MM – I have taken adequate action. I have already suspended the Principal Secretary and am just about to suspend some Police officers as well and transfer some.
Me – But do you think they were responsible for what happened at the rally?
MM- This is a conspiracy by the opposition parties trying to destabilize my powers.
Me – But beheji, what has opposition has to do with your supporters gifting you with a garland made of notes?
MM – Arre baba- what are you talking about? I am talking about the swarm of bees that came on the dais and disturbed my speech. I have initiated mass suspensions because these inept people could not control these bees that came in hordes and caused such an embarrassment.
Me- Oh my God!!! All along we were talking about two different things!!!!!
MM – They were no ordinary bees, not the honey bees but MONEY bees. This was definitely a doing of opposition parties.
Me – (by now, almost at a loss of words) But behenji, the bigger issue that is being raked about is this garland and not the swarm of bees. What are you doing to address that?
MM – The opposition always focuses on other smaller issues in life. They are doing just that. I WAS ATTACKED ON THE DAIS!!! Is it not a bigger issue compared to a small token of appreciation that my workers presented me?
Me – Well, that’s also a point which is valid madam. But if I were to prod you a bit on this humble gift that your followers have provided, could you kindly explain? It’s these smaller things that people are interested. I hope you would understand.
MM – Ok, just to clear all airs about that note garland. This was done by my supporters keeping in mind the national security and economic welfare of the nation.
Me – (completely flummoxed), pray tell me how does this relate to the garland made of notes?
MM – All the notes that were presented to me in that garland were made of 1000 rupee notes.
Me – So how does that fit in with any national welfare idea?
MM – These were all fake notes that had come into India from Nepal borders of UP. All these notes were being circulated in India. I have asked my followers to collect all such notes by paying 500 rupees for each note. These notes will now be handed over to the security agencies so that we can stop the counterfeiting business.
Me – Wow!!!!! What an idea Sirji... oops sorry....beheji!!!!!!!!!!!!! But one befuddling query that comes to my mind… how is this payment of 500 rupees being worked out. Where is that coming from?
MM – This is just one more project that Sahara is promoting. Mr. Roy is a very close friend of mine. He wanted to give back something to the society that has given him so much. This is just a small gesture from his end. I am just helping him in this generous and onerous endeavour.
Me – But beheji, is this not called as money laundering?
MM – Exactly babua!!!!! Money laundrying is the right word. We are trying to put in good money to clear dirty money!!!!! I have to leave now. I have a special cabinet meeting in half an hour to discuss on how we can avoid bees coming into my rallies in the future.