OIL spOILS and global turmOILS!!!!!!

Some time into the not-so-distant future.....

Today, the UPA 5 Government has increased the prices of crude oil, petroleum and diesel by 12%. Now, India has the most expensive oil in the world after racing over inflation-heavy Zimbabwe, Greece and Portugal. The current price hike has been a milestone of sorts for the Manmohan Singh Government - it was the 100th price hike since it first came into power since UPA 1.

With the current price hike, the petrol price now stands at INR 1200 per liter and diesel is at INR 1400 per liter. Mamta has threatened to leave the coalition if the Government does not roll back the price hike. She will be holding mass rallies across WASt POSHchim Bongal from the next week. Akhilesh Yadav has also issued a similar threat of leaving the coalition. Patriarch Mulayam Singh was heard quipping,"The Government has taken our electoral symbol quite seriously. We will now all have to ride cycles instead of vehicles." He hinted that some of his party men may just go a bit overboard during the protests against the price hike. The last protest march held in Lucknow saw SP workers destroy around 30 Mayawati statues and some 22 elephant statues. The Architectural Society of India has issued a strong note of caution that only a few of these statues remain in proper condition and should be preserved as an evidence of the state's INglorious past.

Coming out in defense of the Government, Divijaya Singh came out with a statement,"I don't understand why this fuss, if people cannot buy petrol or diesel - why can't they fly aound? We have provided fiscal ops to the airline companies, the companies are operating fine now and also reduced the import duties on aviation fuel." Marie Antoinette anybody???

This price hike in petrol products has seen some developments. Some of them are listed herewith:-

• Tata Motors has unveiled a new prototype of the world's first water-fuelled commercial passenger car - PANO. Mr. Ratan Tata (now retired but a Chief Mentor to Cyrus Mistry), along the sides of the Global Auto Expo held at Guangzhou, mentioned that the cars would be produced in Gujarat's Anand district and would be first sold across the cash strapped countries of the erstwhile European Union like Germany, France, Holland etc.

• Reliance Motors has come up wth a new scheme wherein the customers can buy one year's fuel supply and get an RCar absolutely free. Chairman and Managing Director, Mukesh Ambani announced this at RIL's AGM held at the Sydney Opera House yesterday. The cars are disposable ones so one can just get them disposed off after a year's use. The company will buy back the cars after a year, if customers choose to.

• The world media has strongly criticized this move by RIL. "When the world is fuel starved, it is really a shame that Reliance has come out with this kind of an offer". Mr. Ambani justified this move,"After we bought out the oil reserves of the UAE and bailed them out of the Eurozone breakup crises - we have a significant reserves that they can be used as deemed fit by our management and my mother".

• The erstwhile Burj Khalifa is now the Ambani family residence. The tallest building in the world has been modified significantly as per the Hindu principles of Vastu. A couple of storeys have been added to the original structure. The building has been renamed as ANTELIA. Mr. Ambani's family comprising of his wife, 3 children and his mother reside in this structure. His Mumbai residence ANTILIA is also being used by the family when in India.

• Gujarat's famed Alang district housing the shipbreaking companies have ventured into carbreaking business. Mammoth cargo ships now dock at Alang to transport all the now non usable cars from around the world.

• SEBI came out with a report that Indians are the biggest customers of the PETFs (Petro Equity Traded Funds) in the world now. Deepak Parekh's Oil For Life Corporation Ltd is one of the biggest loan disbursing company in the world.

But not all is hale and hearty like the corporate growth stories published above. Dowry has seen a sea change in India. Oil is the currency. Andhra Pradesh ranked as the number one state in India this year. The highest dowry given was 125 tankers!!!! The groom must be having so much horsepower!!!!

Another incident was reported from some part in Uttar Pradesh where a newly wed bride was beaten black and blue because her father could not arrange for the fuel as promised. Police investigations revealed that the victim was hit by a strong shiny yellow tinged metal block or brick!!!!!