Eleven flannelled fools chasing a red ball, with eleven thousand fools cheering them.
Bernard Shaw
This Englishman would have turned aback in his grave!!! By George!!!! Had he glimpsed the current fervour and crescendo the game has attained. The World Cup which began in an almost staid and lacklustre manner (the Opening Ceremony was quite a damp squib, my thoughts) – slowly but surely reached a state of frenzy with each win for India.
The week saw the Mother of All Matches at Mohali – the one which was keenly anticipated, awaited, attended and finally achieved!!!! Yes the Mohali Madness had such a viral frenzy that has seldom been witnessed in the willow world.
The match was no more a match but a national event with a Moholiday across almost the entire country. The game assumed more guargantuan proportions when our Politicos entered the arena.
Manmohan Singh’s invitation to his counterpart was an act unprecedented resulting in the coining of a new term in International Polity – Cricket Diplomacy. Last that I heard was this was going to be included into the Merriam’s list (the list that Oxford Press collates to add new words into the dictionary).
Soon the new channels went so gaga over this event – special NDTV episodes were quickly canned focussing on the dress code, IAF copter from Islamabad to Mohali to the menu items on the hosted dinner. Sanjeev Kapoor hosted a 6 episode serial on his channel dessicating each item on the menu along with its political flavours and tastes!!!!!
What happened on the ground is….. well HISTORY!!!!! What happened after the match is …. Well was a MYSTERY which I am demystifying for you!!!! Given the immense media hype and public favour that was generated because of the Mohali Match- India and Pakistan both have decided that the best way to move forward is by playing cricket. Cricket has been redefined now… and HOW!!!!
- A daily soap match is planned between India and Pakistan under the aegis of SPORTS. This will be played for one hour every evening. The format is such that 26 weeks is one innings covering a year for a match. The entire concept and copyright for this format is the brainchild of Balaji Telefilms. The game has been rechristened as KRICKET along with an assortment of new word formations like Katch, Knee before Wicket, Kover, Kat (Ekta beware of Sallu… Ranbir…???), Kall etc.
- There will be celebrity umpires with a vast varieties of audience participation events planned. Some of the celebrities rumoured to be umpiring the game for the weekend episodes are Big B, SRK, Aishwarya Rai etc. Rajnikant was requested to grace one session but he refused as his presence was conditional to the fact that 22 Rajnis will play amongst themselves.
- One week is being planned wih AB Corp as – Kaun Banega Kricketer with live audience given a chance to play the real game. The rules of the game will be suitably modified to accommodate these events.
- Veena Malik and Shoaib Akhtar (he is now a celebrity kricketainer) are busy practising for a hot and racy item number for the Pakistani team whereas Mallika Sherawat and Emran Hashmi are doing their bit for the Indian team. Mallika- Emraan are shooting at the Lords stadium for a hot racy and a passionate item number. The song is reportedly inspired from the unforgettable dialogue rendered by the original He-Man Garam Dharam. The song is titled – Choom Choom ke Maaroonga!!!!
- Manish Malhotra has designed the sportswear for both the teams.
- The broadcast rights for this entire annual extravaganza has been sold to a consortium of NDTV-ESPN-BBC-CNN-ZEE (as none of the individual companies could afford to bid solo). The advertisement revenue to be generated is pegged to be so huge that The World Bank is contemplating a loan request.
- All international meets and deliberations between the world leaders are being planned to be kept along the match venues after the Kricket Diplomacy followed in Mohali. The premiere of such Konference with Kricket will be next weekend – with Barack Obama scheduled to meet Gadaffi over the Libya tensions. The two leaders will discuss a peace tract while watching the match. Dawood Ibrahim has also requested for a slot with Chhota Rajan at a later date but there were some visa issues with his passport bearing no nationality emblem.
- An army of script writers are being assembled by the Balaji team to ensure that the match has enough thrills and moments of suspense thrown in.
- It is rumoured that Sreesanth has been undergoing special diction classes in the different variants of Hindi (as spoken in Delhi to Azamgarh to Mumbai) so that the sledgings will be world class and have pan Indo-Pak appeal.
- Farah Khan has choreographed the post-wicket jig’n’lap for Indian players where as Mithunda has done the honours for the Pakistani team.
- The match will be shot on a cinemascopic format with 3D effects thrown in. Pixar has been roped in for some dazzling special effects.
- India has abstained from any other international engagements for the year.
- IPL has been dissolved. ICC has been bought over by SPORTS Inc (Sharad Pawar’s Organizational Robberies and Transnational Scams).
- Last heard was – Lalit Modi has approached SPORTS to act as a consultant. If recruited, he will be working with Shashi Tharoor who has quit politics to turn into a full time mentor.
- Mohd Azharuddin has been roped in as the official time keeper (given his fascination for watches), He will also be managing all the bettings and spot fixes that will happen in the due course. He now owns an event management company –Fixations, which has bagged the exclusive rights for the same.
Sriky
1 comment:
Quite funny.
I wonder what would be more interesting - the choreographed match or an actual India Pakistan thriller!!
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