HC says GAY HO Baba Ramdev says NAY HO!!!!!!!!!!!

This week was a landmark week for India. India has finally come of age in terms of accepting the realities of the day. The Delhi High Court judgment repelling the archaic section 377 of the Indian Penal Code has made India, the world’s 127th country to accept homosexuality.

So is it the time to rejoice and celebrate? For long, this was stashed away in the closet. Its time to come out openly and display your feelings!!!!!
Not quite easy, I would say. Before popping the champagne, please note that the Supreme Court has accepted a petition challenging Delhi HC order. This has been done to preserve India’s culture and heritage.

I happened to meet up with Baba Ramdev. He has been very vocal about his displeasure on this recent ruling. He has claimed that homosexuality is a disease which he can cure. I was a tad perplexed. To bring matters to a rest, I decided on this free wheeling interview where I tried to find how exactly the Baba would go about this…

Here is an excerpt of the same….

ME – Baba, good day. How are you doing?
BR- Good morning! I am ok but not very good.
ME- What has been bothering you? You, who are the epitome of perpetual good health and mental well being!!!!
BR – This recent ruling of gay thing… it has left me all but gay. This is a dreaded illness. More dangerous than AIDS or Swine FLU. Yet the Government is not taking it seriously. So, I have decided to take things into my own hands and resolve this issue.
ME – Yes, I heard about it and also heard that you can supposedly cure this illness. How do you plan to do it?
BR – This is an illness which can be cured by meditation, pranayam and some special workouts that I can prescribe.
ME – But Baba, if I remember, you had also claimed that you could cure Cancer. That was not demonstrated.
BR – What rubbish. I had claimed that any person suffering from cancer can come to my shibir and I can definitely assure you that he will not be killed by cancer and I have proved this.
ME – How?
BR – There was an elderly gentleman who was a chain smoker for many decades and was in an advanced stage of throat cancer. I prescribed some exercises and breathing techniques.
ME – But Baba, that particular gentleman died because of a cardiac arrest while trying to do the exercises prescribed by you.
BR – Have I not proved it!!!! He was suffering from cancer. He came to my shibir. Cancer did not kill him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME – (complete loss of words)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME – Ok, I accept your argument but what about treatment of gays. How are you going to address this?
BR - I have spent a lot of time thinking this over. I have also sought some guidance from other countries and have formulated a global technique to cure a person of this dreaded illness.
ME – Pray tell me how!!!!!
BR – OK. Here is a brief explanation on how I intend to cure a person of this dreaded disease.

You must have heard of Aalom Vilom that I regularly prescribe. I have had some meetings with some learned French preachers and members of the Conservative Church. After discussing and debating for long hours with them, I came up with a breathing technique called A l’homme Non homme. In English, it means – To a man, no man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a breathing technique which stimulates the testosterone in a human male to oppose any stimulation to testosterone. This technique of breathing will ensure that no man will ever harbour any romantic affection to any other man. I intend to cure a gay person by stimulating his senses to resist affections towards another person.

ME – Wow!!!!! This is a path breaking approach!!!!!! Nobody ever thought about this.
BR – The other technique for more severe cases is being tried and tested currently. You would have heard about Kapaal bhaati, another pranayam variant. I have recently created another version of this called – Couple bhaati.

I am trying to experiment this technique in groups of two participants: each of the other gender. This exercise is breathing in from the nose and breathing out from the mouth. Breathing in is done from your own nose and breathing out is done into the other partner’s mouth. I prescribe this exercise to be done in the hours post sunset hours. This time of the day will help in stimulating carnal instincts in a man and prevent him from having any gay thoughts.

I have two disciples who have mastered this form of pranayam to perfection and they will be holding shibirs across the nation in the next couple of days.

ME – Who are these two students? We have always seen you hogging the limelight every time.
BR – Emraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!