ADARSH bites AAH DUST >> the Phoenix rises from the debris!!!!!!!!

Dear Chums

The New Year has begun and how!!!!

The events are unfolding at such a frenetic pace that blogs may not do adequate justice and cover all events- tweets might…

Yesterday, the judgment on Adarsh Housing Society came out – wow!!! Such speedy outcomes have become the norms of the day!!!

Jairam Ramesh has come up with 3 options as a remedy. If all investigations were in time - … just impossible to imagine the scenario!!!!

First - demolish the entire structure as it is completely in violation of CRZ rules.

Second – demolish all but 6 floors of the structure as they were the only ones for which approvals were taken

Last – the Government takes control of the entire building to use it as deemed fit.

Now, Jairam has proposed that option 1 be considered and the entire building be demolished. This would be an apt and a fitting response to such a brazen act of corruption.

This has led to another conundrum that the government is trying to resolve – who will get the contract to demolish the structure and who will make away with the booty of the debris and scrap metal??

There is a strong lobbying underway to bag these two contracts – given that staying in that house may not be a reality.

Ashok Chawan has proposed his sister’s firm to carry out these two contracts – his argument, this entire building cost him his post and that too for his mother–in-law!!! His immediate family should be compensated now!!!!

Other proposals with such similar reasons are just flying everywhere. Poor Prithviraj Chawan is trying to placate one and all!!!!

In the wake of this new issue that has been brewing, the Government has decided to go for the third option – to take control of the entire building and to use it as deemed fit.

This is what is going to become off it!!!

AAH DUST SCAMPHITHEATHRE OF FINED ARTS AND MUSEUM

The first of its kind in the world!!!! Mumbai proudly presents the single largest collection of it’s scampaigns of the past diamond era!!!! Enter, enjoy, enrich yourself and get corrupted!!!!!
There are museums on Vodkas, Scotches, torture tools (one in Amsterdam), sex (again in Amsterdam) – but nowhere in the world is there a MUSEUM OF SCAMS!!!!

Though revisiting the colourful (read tainted) history of our country may be an arduous task, given that the last two decades have been so coloured and checkered!!!!

Let me elucidate on some of the finer sections of this unique museum:-

1. The top 10 floors are dedicated to the fine art and practice of research and academic studies in the domain of scams. A new line of subject has been also created and now recognized all over – JHOLOLOGY (derived from the colloquial Hindi word Jhol which means a con or a scam or to cheat).
   


2. 5 floors are housing The Harshad Mehta Memorial Institute of Capital Market Butchering. Detailed researches, discussions and debates happen here on a regular basis. The institute has dedicated itself into inventing novel ways of profiting by way of financial frauds and irregularities in the markets. Just last year, the institute received a huge grant of around 1000 Crores from Ketan Parekh.
   


3. The institute also houses a souvenir shop which is being managed by VIP which sells miniatures of suitcases filled with dummy currency notes of 100 crore.
   


4. A part of the structure has been converted into terraced gardens and a live replica of a Bihar cowshed has been created to commemorate Laloojee’s famous chaara ghotaala.
   


5. A similar section has been carved out – for a nominal fee, visitors can experience a mock auction of themselves at the Lalit Modi Memorial IPLgate!!!!
   


6. A section of a floor has also been converted into the replica of Sukhram’s living room where all the telecom loot was found.
   


7. Miniature replicas of the CWG athlete’s rooms have been constructed. Special pipe lines have been introduced to show the leakages and how the athletes had to stay there. The souvenir shop sells the famous toilet paper for 1000 INR per roll!!!! They are all personally autographed by Suresh Kalmadi himself!!!!
   


8. A training institute is being designed. This is called the ASATYAM FRAUD MANAGEMENT PRACTICE. Plans are to get the best of the breed master minds from different high profile prisons as guest faculty here. The Raju family trust makes this possible. Ex CEOs of Arthur Anderson, Enron, Nick Leeson etc are all showing interest here.
   


9. There is an onion garden dedicated to the Pawar family. The onions are for display only- given that they are almost extinct, these cannot be plucked. High security arrangements make that possible.
   


10. An outdoor shooting range has been created by carving out a part of a floor – this is the Bofors Block. Here, for a fee, visitors can shoot empty or blank bullets from the Howitzer guns that the now defunct company had sold to the Indian Army. The target has been slightly modified to give a contextual touch – the target bull’s eye has a small tail sliding out from the right hand bottom side to give it a Q shape (in memory of the main accused Quattrochi)
    

The museum is attracting visitors in hordes of thousands!!!!

The revenues of the museum have increased manifold since it was started.

This has led to another issue – there is widespread corruption in misappropriation of funds by the management who is running this museum!!!!

Now that Adarsh is doing such good business, Jairam Ramesh is contemplating something on similar lines for Lavasa as well!!!!!!
Sriky



Srikant Harihar
00 91 900 43 46 46 3

2G Raises a Political Storm- The Telecom RADIAshuns!!!!!

Dear Chums,

After a quite break for some weeks which saw unprecedented events unfolding in front of me, it was necessary to present some insider information on the latest scam ..and probably the biggest in the country- the 2G Telecom Scam!!!!

DMK's stoic support of the tainted Telecom minister A Raja just led to a more wholesome belief in the party's acronym (Dont Mess with Karunanidhi!!!!)

The Parliament was stalled for the entire winter session with some minutes of work having been recorded (mostly the time taken to decide to walkout, I guess!!!) The opposition pegs the loss to the exchequer because of the protests to be pittance compared to the scam value.

What a scam it has been!!!! One wholesome epic journey running for years with different parties and ministers and lobbyists and licensees!!!!!

Talking of the lobbyists, Neera Radia has become the toast of the Telecom town nowadays. 3Geers to her!!!!!!

With the opposition unrelenting in its demands for a JPC, with the PM Manmohan Singh unwilling to placate the opposition this time, with Ratan Tata planning to go on a letter-writing spree, with A Raja unwilling to admit to any wrong doing, with Barkha Dutt and Vir Sanghvi still socializing with the political top shots, with Neera Radia raids showing no end- it just resulted in the following disastrous (or humorous) results:-

1. 
   
   Mamta Banerjee has given up using cell phones till the guilty will be brought to the books.


2. 
   
   All BJP ministers have boycotted the Telecom Services offered on the impure 2G spectrum air. By some strange logic- all of them have subscribed to foreign telecom services via Thuraya - the satellite phone services!!!!


3. 
   
   Congress is trying to check if it can get a wisp of any scam in procuring of the Thuraya phones and the source of the payments made to this company!!!


4. 
   
   Baba Ramdev has condemned the usage of mobile phones and is planning a grand yagnya which will purify the air which was polluted by the scam. Environmentalists peg the damage caused to the environs by the fumes and smoke emanating from the altar much more than the 2G scam.


5. 
   
   Mahesh Bhatt and Mukesh Bhatt announced their next-out-of-the-factory product called Aye Raja!!! starring Emraan Hashmi and a new comer Meera Wadia. Mahesh Bhatt announced that this movie would be a slice of life depcition of the scam and Emraan will essay the role of a politician who stumbles from the path of righteousness and ends up with a biggest scam to rock the country. The female lead will essay the role of a corporate lobbyist who woos the minister and influences him to award incoherent licenses. The movie is to be picturised in some scenic locations across the globe and will have some mind boggling special effects. Already a lot of news is being made about an important scene where Emraan refuses a bribe offered to him by a Telecom company. What a special effect!!!!When asked whether the kissathon will continue with this movie, Emraan mentioned," There are some bold scenes in the movie which are pivotal to the script of the film. They have been shot very aesthetically and are intended to take the movie further and to a new level".


6. 
   
   Lalooji has come up with another whopper!!!! He has alleged that his cattle stock have been rendered carcinogenic because of the impurity of the airwaves sold at deflated prices to benefit some involved parties. Indian Medical Association is trying to check the veracity of the claim by examining the cattle and NIMHANS is planning to do the same with their owner.


7. 
   
   Ratan Tata has developed a hobby out of writing to Government departments regarding other Tata Group issues in anticipation of opening up another Pandora's box akin to Telecom.


8. 
   
   A Raja recently got an award from Air India for making the most round trips between Chennai and Delhi. Since the scam surfaced, Raja has travelled endlessly between Chennai and Delhi for CBI investigations etc. If not airwaves, be it airways then, for Raja!!!!


9. 
   
   Raja has put a stay order on Aye Raja movie release. He has asked the courts that he be allowed a privy viewing and based on his consent, the movie should be appropriately edited or censored. The Bhatts have vehemently refuted Raja's claim stating that the movie was an "inspired" work of fiction. Raja has also demanded that the movie be dubbed in Tamil for his viewing.


10. 
    
    Neera Radia is amongst that last 4 contestants in the season 4 of Bigg Boss which is being anchored by Abhishek Bachchan and Anil Ambani. What an Idea sirjee!!!! She has also bagged some big deals across the Telecom world.


11. Well, what about the general public and the services offered by the Telecom companies????

It continues to be normal as if nothing happened. Anil Ambani bought back huge proportions of his RCOM stocks during the peak of the scam and is now selling them back happily and laughing away to the banks!!!!

Neera Radia has decided to venture into greener pastures of Telecom Consultancy to foreign governments. Supposedly her initial clients include Afghanistan, Pakistan, Nigeria, Zambia etc.

As for A Raja, he has been nominated to the World Telecom Forum as India's representative created towards having uniform telecom policies for the next generation of services. How, if you may wonder? That is the Congress way of punishment!!!

Sriky

India rEeLing unDer a SCAMpede!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Chums,

The last couple of days went with some bits and pieces of new making it to the orbit of the fourth estate.

The Royalty gets ready for a round of big bash of wedding parties at the cost of the taxpayers money in the UK. Well, royalty is an identity of en era lost and past, though not so in the UK, it seems. The current recession and budget cuts are making the commons wake up to the concern of their taxes being spent on lavish wedding vows!!! I guess, better Kate than never!!!

The CM musical chairs is the game of the season- Ashok Chavan to Prithviraj Chavan to Yeddy to Rossaiah… these kids… when will they ever grow up??

The main focus of my piece this time is the pandemic of all seasons and for all the wrong reasons – Scams rocking the country- left, right and center.
Not that we are waking up to this today- this has been one of the pillars of our society, culture, habits, lifestyle, beliefs and ourselves for decades now!!!

Coming to the recent weeks and months- the Scamgates opening their ugly doors- one by one left everybody shocked and worried. IPL gave way to the Common Wealth Games which made way for Adarsh housing which further stepped aside to the big brother telecom scam which is now being jostled for space by the LIC Housing Scam. Still waiting to unravel themselves – Bollywood box office scam, railway ticket scam, drinking water scam, another stock exchange scam, TV TRP rating scam, Matriculation paper correction scam, Big boss Pamela Anderson scam (this is definitely worth waiting for!!!) and lastly the mother of all scams – Great Indian Election Ticket Scam!!!!

Instead of writing reams about it, let me rhythm it this time…

Harshad, of the trading system, made a mockery,
It’s impact being felt by the national treasury
For the next couple of years,
India sailed without any major fears,

Until Sukhram’s house was raided by the IT,
And out came a basket full of corrupt Telecom booty,
Parekh usurped Harshad’s throne,
Leaving the markets in askance –akin to a dog longing for a bone,
Many a minor scam came and went,
Without making any significant dent,

Then one fine day, Raju drafts an admission,
Leaving Satyam- it s future and meaning in a big question,
Unraveling the myriad transactions will be a big pain,
Leaving the next wave’s coffers in a big drain,

Just when things were seemingly coming to normalcy,
CWG and Kalmadi joined the revelry,
Quote by quote or even quote unquote,
Making the CWG- the biggest booty of notes,

Along the same lines and almost at the same time,
Modi was playing a different game,
Not knowing that his end was near and with that would be a lot of ignominy and shame,
The IPL commissioner is now in abeyance,
Running from pillar to post to make some defense,

Soon this was also being pushed back into the news print interiors,
As ministerial corruption was breaking new frontiers,
ADARSH was anything but… ideal,
The big and mighty vet their hands, having no inkling of the ordeal,
Now that this has come out in the open,
CM of the state included- sparing no one,
Did more fie betide any son in law ever?
Chavan would have cursed, not again- never!!!

As the skeletons were tumbling out from the infamous address in South Mumbai,
With a possibility of more heads rolling,
Came a stark revelation of LIC Housing,
This is grabbing the bytes of the day,
Rest of the scams above, pushed back for another day,

As I plan to click send this work to you all,
A big disaster is in the making the high and mighty fall,
Wikileaks is shaking the world, exposing the US sham,
Resulting in just depreciating respect for Uncle Sam!!!!

And the saga continues forever,
Else will there ever be any food for thought or read- fodder?


Sriky