DOMER!!! - India's answer to US' PRISM!!!!

The National Security Agency (NSA) has come in for a lot of flak ever since the existence of project PRISM came out in the open. That, US security agencies are paranoid about internal or external threats is a foregone conclusion but this was just too much.

Project PRISM details revealed that NSA and FBI were tapping into central servers of - Microsoft, Yahoo, Google, Facebook, PalTalk, AOL, Skype, YouTube, Apple. NSA is privy to private chats, messages, mails, photos and videos of millions of citizens across the globe. All throughout, searching for key words that might have security risks.

This article is not about PRISM nor is it about NSA or FBI. Soon after the news of PRISM broke out, an overzealous Minister of Information and Broadcasting - Kapil Sibal – one eye on 2014 polls and the other on Modi’s elevation in BJP- came out with a whammer!!!

"What NSA has done is nothing new, what they have done through project PRISM is something that India has been doing all through. I take this moment to let the world know that a far more sophisticated sniffing-snooping-eavesdropping-information assimilation-knowledge collection programme called DOMER has been in existence in India since far more number of years than any country can even imagine".

This press conference created turmoil around the globe. Each and every Government on this planet was curious and keen to know - what the hell is this DOMER!!!! NSA almost went into a paranoia and some major heads there were shown the door because NSA was unable to break into DOMER network. Just about everybody wanted to know about DOMER.

Under pressure from US and other countries, Kapil Sibal was forced to make some more disclosures about this ultra secretive project DOMER. So another press conference was convened. This time," Project DOMER is in the national interest of India, it is meant for peaceful purposes and offers no threat to any of our neighbours or other nations. DOMER is currently being used for purposes of internal security enhancement exercises and is functional at the grass root levels with millions of information agents across the length and breadth of the country. The main objective of DOMER is to obtain ground level information in its purest form and use that information towards general good. DOMERing is in our genes and comes naturally to us. The best part of this programme is that it is quite fool proof and requires minimal or no technological dependencies. It captures your darkest thoughts and your worst fears!!!!!!"

 

For the world, this came as a revelation - that such a top secret programme was underway in India and being run on such a mammoth scale and just nobody had any clue about it!!!!!!!! Had India invented something beyond zero?????

Now under severe pressure from UN and other International Agencies, India was forced to provide all details of this secretive project . Kapil Sibal plans for a grand gala revelation of DOMER.

The Indian Government’s Information and Broadcasting Ministry had over many years ago harnessed an existing social trait in Indian families- DOMestic HelpER!!!!! This social practice has been prevalent in India since times immemorial and has in such a tight manner, seeped into the nation’s milieu and lives.

Much before AADHAR was even conceived, DOMER had started registering millions of Domestic Helpers across different cities and towns of India. They were given orientations and trainings on what to report from each families and how to percolate or transmit this information in the chain. DOMERs were to transmit the information of the families where they were engaged to a local KHABRI. The KHABRI would segregate the information based on priority and relevance and share this across at a regional level to a SENIOR KHABRI who in turn would pass this on to a KHUFIYA. The KHUFIYA would then prepare a summarized information to be shared with the Junior Secretaries at the Ministry. All information was transmitted without any written proof. The programme relied on the techniques dating back to the times when writing was not yet discovered and memory was relied upon to share the information accurately. The best part of DOMER is that – even if information corruption happens at some level, multitude hierarchies ensured that accidental corrective measures were also happening because of the liking to twist and add spice to the information across the chain that the intended information eventually reached the Ministry because !!!!!

The World is in awe!!!!

Sibal takes a gallant bow!!!

Indian Jugaad at its best!!!!!

For the world now to test!!!!

Like the dabbawalas of Mumbai,

DOMER is set to go pretty High Fi!!!!!

With ISO certifications for quality;

And classroom sessions in Oxford and Trinity;