Hi All
The world of Cricket seldom sleeps, or so it seems. If there are just matches being played for the sake of matches being played (did it make any sense?) or whether BJP is demanding a separate ministry and a cabinet berth to be given to Shri. Sharadrao Pawar- something just keeps on happening. Mr. Pawar is seriously considering this option as he is now on a diet and what would he do with quintals and tons of crops that have been as a result of surplus monsoon? Public welfare has never been an agendum priori for him ever. At least, being a Cricket Minister is any day better option.
Only now that I was beginning to come to terms that the ghosts of the IPL have finally left for good and that Lalit Modi is firmly entrenched in London and that legal/criminal proceeding will continue forever- comes the breaking news of the Pakistani players being involved in match fixing.
Just a random thought here – have you noticed that across both India and Pakistan (I am not aware of other nations), most high profile embezzlers or charged with criminal proceedings in India, always find a safe haven in London (Nadeem Saifee … anybody?, Benazir Bhutto..)
There are rumours and more rumours flying left right and center. Also, post the outbreak of this scandal, there has been some immediate changes to the way Cricket is being played.
Let s here the different versions of the news that are breaking out:-
1. The Pakistani players involved in this match fixing are basically the front men for ISI and have acted in accordance with their pre determined instructions. They came to UK with the purpose of money laundering and counterfeiting currency notes. This corroborates with one version of the truth that the currency found in Salman Butt’s room was actually fake pounds. That is the reason why Scotland Yard has now ventured into this arena of investigations. Salman, though categorically has denied this and has mentioned that his CA will be able to provide the information for each cent in the 50K GBP (errata is intended so that he can claim in the court of law that he is uneducated and does not know whether a cent constitutes a pound or a pence!!!!).
2. The second version of the story is that Mohd. Aamir was the owner of the cash recovered. Aamir confirmed that the amount that was found in Salman’s room was actually the signing amount that he had received to act as the lead role in a Malayalam- Hindi bilingual movie. 50K !!!! Coincidentally, when quizzed further about the movie, the following were the details that Aamir divulged –
Name of the Movie - NO BOLLE ADIYAPPA!!!
Name of the Director – Manibag Fullumaal
Aamir’s agent (yes, even in such turmoil- he has a spokesperson!!!) clarified that this movie was not inspired by any Shahid- Rani starrer but the poor chap did not realize that nobody even remembers which flick was he talking about !!! Nobody could get any confirmation on this version as Mr. Manibag Fullumaal was not available to pick up any calls.
3. The third version was even more bizarre – Salman received this money as gratitude from Lalit Modi!!! This happened before Modi was brought to the books by the IPL committee. Modi saw a lot of potential in Salman (not on the grounds but off them!!!!) and this was just Modi’s way of expressing his joy and an aspiration of a future potential for IPL 4.
4. The PCB has completely stood by its players. They are of the opinion that this is an espionage activity initiated to taint Pakistan’s image in front of the world. The spokesperson did not explicitly mention any name but his hints were very subtle – one who is sitting over rotten grain stock talks of the rot in the system!!! It was not confirmed as to who was this comment applicable to. There were hints flying to insinuate everybody from US to the UK government to China to Iraqi leadership that was responsible for the Pakistani players being embroiled in this controversy.
In more recent developments – Obama came up with an official statement that since Cricket is not recognized by USA as an official game – it had nothing to do about it. This has made Sharad Pawar livid with anger. He has taken upon himself to ensure that US does not get its quota of IT professionals this year – till Cricket is an official game in US. No point in missing such a big country with crazier crowds and especially where GAMBLING IS LEGAL. The last heard news was the Shell was going to be the official sponsor for USA Cricket Team.
THERE HAVE BEEN SOME NEW RULES INTRODUCED IN THE WORLD OF CRICKET AFTER THIS FIXING FIASCO –
1. You cannot be playing cricket with a Pakistani passport. You need to be a Representative Of Gaming Underworld Enterprise. . ROGUE is an international body where cricketers can solicit their confirmations on not playing or throwing away their wickets or bowling no balls. The ROGUE will decide on which player the bets are the most lucrative and thereby instruct players to amend their game.
2. ROGUE is managed by veterans of the industry – the prominent members on the board are Lalit Modi, Mohd. Azharuddin, Manoj Prabhakar, Ajay Jadeja and such luminaries of the industry. The foundation has been given an annual grant from the Cronje Trust which ensures that the organizers do not practice what they preach – FIXING !!!!!!
3. Sharad Pawar has been felicitated for creating ROGUE – at least now, the BCCI has full control on how the Pakistani players play. They will either play or throw wickets based on the days CRACKEX (Cricketers Rate And Coke Index). The acronym may be a bit misleading but it originated from the Crack Index (the daily market rate for Cocaine, but slowly grew into the world of Cricket to create CRACKEX). The rates and index numbers are calculated based on Azzu-Cronje calculations.
4. The Scotland Yard will be monitoring each match and if there are no balls beyond a certain YARDstick- they will be deemed to be investigated. The investigations will be made open after 3 months (that’s the best the Scotland Yard has promised as it has to trail the money chain across continents). There has been a small controversy here – the Mumbai Police has also submitted bids to handle such cases. The Mumbai Police has claimed that it will be able to track the bookie even before the fixed over or delivery has been bowled. The ROGUE was almost about to give the tender to the Mumbai Police … but for one small incident – the representative of the Mumbai Police asked for a hafta of 100 million pounds!!!! This demand actually was their nemesis. They lost the contract as Scotland Yard agreed on a per investigation profit sharing agreement.
5. Somebody’s .loss is somebody’s gain. The Scotland Yard will be publishing its report after 3 months and the results of the games played 3 months ago will be reversed and the appropriate points will be adjusted in the next tournament. The credits and debits will be adjusted against the fiscal and results will be updated to suitably award the entity which has won (wow!!! I just need to get out of my job now!!!).
I was just about to end this – when I tuned into some random Pakistani radio channel on the internet. This is what I heard –
Salaam- Huzoor aur Mohtermaa!!!
The results of the match between Rawalpindi Express and Kabul Qawaals that will be played tomorrow are as follows –
Kamzor Imaan will be run out for 10 runs on the 15th bowl.
Aaraam E Haraam will be awarded a leg before in either the 4th or 5 th over.
Let us meet after the break. If you want the next player – Imaan e Bikri to be either run out – please sms on 420420000, if you want him to be caught behind – please sms on 420420001.
(the last few lines completely inspired by the facebook comment posted by my friend and senior and teacher – Rahul Sharma. Sharmaji- apologies for getting inspired.. I hope you don’t file a lawsuit here !!!!)
Sriky
The world of Cricket seldom sleeps, or so it seems. If there are just matches being played for the sake of matches being played (did it make any sense?) or whether BJP is demanding a separate ministry and a cabinet berth to be given to Shri. Sharadrao Pawar- something just keeps on happening. Mr. Pawar is seriously considering this option as he is now on a diet and what would he do with quintals and tons of crops that have been as a result of surplus monsoon? Public welfare has never been an agendum priori for him ever. At least, being a Cricket Minister is any day better option.
Only now that I was beginning to come to terms that the ghosts of the IPL have finally left for good and that Lalit Modi is firmly entrenched in London and that legal/criminal proceeding will continue forever- comes the breaking news of the Pakistani players being involved in match fixing.
Just a random thought here – have you noticed that across both India and Pakistan (I am not aware of other nations), most high profile embezzlers or charged with criminal proceedings in India, always find a safe haven in London (Nadeem Saifee … anybody?, Benazir Bhutto..)
There are rumours and more rumours flying left right and center. Also, post the outbreak of this scandal, there has been some immediate changes to the way Cricket is being played.
Let s here the different versions of the news that are breaking out:-
1. The Pakistani players involved in this match fixing are basically the front men for ISI and have acted in accordance with their pre determined instructions. They came to UK with the purpose of money laundering and counterfeiting currency notes. This corroborates with one version of the truth that the currency found in Salman Butt’s room was actually fake pounds. That is the reason why Scotland Yard has now ventured into this arena of investigations. Salman, though categorically has denied this and has mentioned that his CA will be able to provide the information for each cent in the 50K GBP (errata is intended so that he can claim in the court of law that he is uneducated and does not know whether a cent constitutes a pound or a pence!!!!).
2. The second version of the story is that Mohd. Aamir was the owner of the cash recovered. Aamir confirmed that the amount that was found in Salman’s room was actually the signing amount that he had received to act as the lead role in a Malayalam- Hindi bilingual movie. 50K !!!! Coincidentally, when quizzed further about the movie, the following were the details that Aamir divulged –
Name of the Movie - NO BOLLE ADIYAPPA!!!
Name of the Director – Manibag Fullumaal
Aamir’s agent (yes, even in such turmoil- he has a spokesperson!!!) clarified that this movie was not inspired by any Shahid- Rani starrer but the poor chap did not realize that nobody even remembers which flick was he talking about !!! Nobody could get any confirmation on this version as Mr. Manibag Fullumaal was not available to pick up any calls.
3. The third version was even more bizarre – Salman received this money as gratitude from Lalit Modi!!! This happened before Modi was brought to the books by the IPL committee. Modi saw a lot of potential in Salman (not on the grounds but off them!!!!) and this was just Modi’s way of expressing his joy and an aspiration of a future potential for IPL 4.
4. The PCB has completely stood by its players. They are of the opinion that this is an espionage activity initiated to taint Pakistan’s image in front of the world. The spokesperson did not explicitly mention any name but his hints were very subtle – one who is sitting over rotten grain stock talks of the rot in the system!!! It was not confirmed as to who was this comment applicable to. There were hints flying to insinuate everybody from US to the UK government to China to Iraqi leadership that was responsible for the Pakistani players being embroiled in this controversy.
In more recent developments – Obama came up with an official statement that since Cricket is not recognized by USA as an official game – it had nothing to do about it. This has made Sharad Pawar livid with anger. He has taken upon himself to ensure that US does not get its quota of IT professionals this year – till Cricket is an official game in US. No point in missing such a big country with crazier crowds and especially where GAMBLING IS LEGAL. The last heard news was the Shell was going to be the official sponsor for USA Cricket Team.
THERE HAVE BEEN SOME NEW RULES INTRODUCED IN THE WORLD OF CRICKET AFTER THIS FIXING FIASCO –
1. You cannot be playing cricket with a Pakistani passport. You need to be a Representative Of Gaming Underworld Enterprise. . ROGUE is an international body where cricketers can solicit their confirmations on not playing or throwing away their wickets or bowling no balls. The ROGUE will decide on which player the bets are the most lucrative and thereby instruct players to amend their game.
2. ROGUE is managed by veterans of the industry – the prominent members on the board are Lalit Modi, Mohd. Azharuddin, Manoj Prabhakar, Ajay Jadeja and such luminaries of the industry. The foundation has been given an annual grant from the Cronje Trust which ensures that the organizers do not practice what they preach – FIXING !!!!!!
3. Sharad Pawar has been felicitated for creating ROGUE – at least now, the BCCI has full control on how the Pakistani players play. They will either play or throw wickets based on the days CRACKEX (Cricketers Rate And Coke Index). The acronym may be a bit misleading but it originated from the Crack Index (the daily market rate for Cocaine, but slowly grew into the world of Cricket to create CRACKEX). The rates and index numbers are calculated based on Azzu-Cronje calculations.
4. The Scotland Yard will be monitoring each match and if there are no balls beyond a certain YARDstick- they will be deemed to be investigated. The investigations will be made open after 3 months (that’s the best the Scotland Yard has promised as it has to trail the money chain across continents). There has been a small controversy here – the Mumbai Police has also submitted bids to handle such cases. The Mumbai Police has claimed that it will be able to track the bookie even before the fixed over or delivery has been bowled. The ROGUE was almost about to give the tender to the Mumbai Police … but for one small incident – the representative of the Mumbai Police asked for a hafta of 100 million pounds!!!! This demand actually was their nemesis. They lost the contract as Scotland Yard agreed on a per investigation profit sharing agreement.
5. Somebody’s .loss is somebody’s gain. The Scotland Yard will be publishing its report after 3 months and the results of the games played 3 months ago will be reversed and the appropriate points will be adjusted in the next tournament. The credits and debits will be adjusted against the fiscal and results will be updated to suitably award the entity which has won (wow!!! I just need to get out of my job now!!!).
I was just about to end this – when I tuned into some random Pakistani radio channel on the internet. This is what I heard –
Salaam- Huzoor aur Mohtermaa!!!
The results of the match between Rawalpindi Express and Kabul Qawaals that will be played tomorrow are as follows –
Kamzor Imaan will be run out for 10 runs on the 15th bowl.
Aaraam E Haraam will be awarded a leg before in either the 4th or 5 th over.
Let us meet after the break. If you want the next player – Imaan e Bikri to be either run out – please sms on 420420000, if you want him to be caught behind – please sms on 420420001.
(the last few lines completely inspired by the facebook comment posted by my friend and senior and teacher – Rahul Sharma. Sharmaji- apologies for getting inspired.. I hope you don’t file a lawsuit here !!!!)
Sriky
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