unCOMMON HEALTH of the COMMONWEALTH!!!!

So little news over the last couple of days!!! I am forced to dig up some scoop from my archives. This is what transpired during the recent event when the Commonwealth Inspection Team had come to New Delhi to inspect on the progress made in terms of the infrastructure, facilities etc.- http://www.cwgdelhi2010.org/

The Chairman of the Organization Committee for Commonwealth Games- Suresh Kalmadi was running around from pillar to post to appease the visiting committee.

The following were some of the snippets of the discussion that went on behind closed doors between Suresh Kalmadi (SK) and the visiting committee (VC).

VC- Mr. Kalmadi, we are not sure of how you guys are going to host the CWG with absolutely no preparedness?

SK – Who says that we are not prepared? All preparations are fully underway and the constructions are progressing at a brisk pace. This is nothing but a plan from our neighbouring country who wants to tarnish India’s image.

VC- Ok, can you please elaborate on the points that we will be putting forth?

SK – Surely!!!!

VC – Firstly to start off with- who is the mascot for CWG 2010 and the relevance please.

SK – The mascot is SHERA. He is a tiger with a smiling face. The relevance is that there was a baby boy born in our CM Mrs. Sheila Dixit’s family and that boy was christened as Shera and the honorable CM felt it apt to use the same name for the mascot. Also, India was a land of tigers and now that it has become nearly extinct- what better way of still keeping it alive and ticking than by using it as a mascot!!!!

VC- What about the infrastructure plans that you had promised?

SK – It is all there. Please see all the reports that we have submitted to your committee on the status updates and the images of the work in progress. All the work is going on at a very fast pace.

VC- We have seen all the reports. We also went out to see the work ourselves. There is a sea of a difference between what is in the report and what is in reality.

SK – No. I think there is a big misunderstanding. The work is going on full steam. We are trying to be as close to nature as possible. The Yamuna river is being cleaned up so that swimming and water sports could be conducted there.

VC – But Mr. Kalmadi, there is hardly any water in the Yamuna river and whatever little is there, is full of slush and dump!!!!!

SK – Exactly!!!! We are planning to have a new event called RESISTANCE SWIMMING in which the swimmers have to swim through almost negligible water and instead their abilities will be taxed and tested when they brave the slush to move forward.

VC- This is crazy. We will think about it. What about the accommodation plans for the contingents who will be arriving for the games?

SK – The garbage dumping ground outside New Delhi is being cleaned up. Most of the stuff is already buried deep down and the remainder will be evacuated soon. We intend to set up Shamiyanas for all players there.

VC- Shamiyana? What is that?

SK – It is an abode meant for royalty when they used to move out of the comforts of their palatial mansions. It will contain all the worldly amenities that can be thought off. I can assure you- it will be a residence worth a prince!!!!

VC – Can we see a demo or a miniature of this accommodation?

SK – Definitely, for that you will have to travel to Mumbai.

VC- Mumbai?

SK – The first visible glimpse that Mumbai offers while landing is a large stretch of Shamiyanas.

VC- But they are all slums that you are talking about!!!!

SK- No, not at all, what Mumbai offers is an E cube version of what we will be putting up for CWG.

VC- E cube?

SK- Economic Eastern Edition. We have planned much more elaborate staying arrangements for Delhi.

VC – OK. What about the stadia and sports grounds?

SK- Well, we wanted to showcase a very original replica of how Olympics started off in Greece as the inspiration for CWG. So, there is a very aesthetically planned open air gallery, open air seating arrangements and state of the art sports facilities which at the same time offer a very rustic and elementary feel!!!!

VC is by now aghast and almost in the process of cancelling India’s candidature.

Just when this decision was about to be taken up, Suresh Kalmadi drops in a word to the committee…

The committee decides to reconsider its decision and decides to go ahead with New Delhi’s candidature for CWG 2010.

Now, I was wondering as to what bomb shell Kalmadi dropped that the committee went back on its thought!!!!

It did not take me long enough to understand.

No, there was no bribe or any monetary incentive offered (even I thought of the same thing).

Suresh Kalmadi showed the members of the visiting committee a letter issued by the Commonwealth Committee of India appointing Lalit Modi as the Chief Operations Officer for the CWG 2010 and a letter from Mr. Modi accepting it.

Given the organisational capabilities of Lalit Modi displayed during IPL 2, there was no doubt in the minds of the visiting committee that CWG will at least make 10 times more revenue than IPL2!!!!!

Last I heard on this front was that the visiting committee members went back and gave a hunky dory report on India’s preparedness to manage and host CWG 2010 and were planning to approach Lalit separately if they could (between themselves) pool in money and buy some stake in some of the teams that would be playing cricket in the CWG 2010!!!!!!

Sriky